I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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