So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
