I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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