i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
