Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
