Apparently you make a good broom.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
