Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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