then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
3pm strippers are depressing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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