Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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