i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
