I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
