I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
