I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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