Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
