We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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