OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
