so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think i have herpe
just one?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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