Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we made out on top of his cat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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