How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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