I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
