i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
