The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
