the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
