She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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