I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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