you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
