Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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