he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
