thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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