He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can't special order awesome
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
