my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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