U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
