I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
