It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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