i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
