There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
