i just sent this text using only my big toe
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
