Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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