woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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