so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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