When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
