You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
