Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
