one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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