I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
