its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
