if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
