Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
