you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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