they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
