While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
