shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
