We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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