The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
